A Canadian writer teaches English and finds out what it's like to be a foreigner.

Friday, November 24, 2006


Sometimes, the Nova Scotian in me just can't be suppressed.

Last night I made a grievous admission in class which just gave the doung-joke camp more lewd fuel.

The most inexplicable of speaks always come out of nowhere, and play out like the wall of a glass house greeting a flock of migrating birds. As we were practicing some random reading passage, Joseph stood up in his seat with random gusto and announced:

"Teacher! I am hold the arse!"

He then set straight into a botched headstand which laid him out in a few seconds flat.

I was 100% baffled.


I squinted in complete confusion.

"Joseph, did you just say 'hold the arse'?"


I was at a loss. What in pluperfect hell was this kid talking about? Thanks goodness there was a solar system vocabulary chart on the wall so he was able to point out his true intention.

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" I said, everything suddenly so obvious, "Earth!"

'I am hold the Earth...' Oh right, headstand holding the Earth, ha-ha, whatever. At least now I understood. My newfound grasp of the situation lulled me into a false sense of candid speech.

"I thought you said 'arse' Joseph, back home that's another word for your backside."

Oh no.

What had I done.

"Arse!? ARSE! ARSE!" The chorus echoed through the classroom.

Jin-hyuck, was unusually reserved about the new vulgarity. He was busy scratching something down in his book.

"Teacher!" he said at last, "He told the arse."

He then pointed to a chola-man rendition of a mildly perverted Atlas holding a disembodied buttocks. It looked like this:

I can only hope this is as short lived as the "pee house" debacle.

As they say, you can take the boy out of the Maritimes...

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