A Canadian writer teaches English and finds out what it's like to be a foreigner.

Friday, December 29, 2006

The Jejulist List & Other Tidbits

Okay... when I arrived here I thought it was pretty strange to see Star Craft played competitively on TV, but I just flipped on FOX which is currently broadcasting a competitive eating contest out of Santa Monica called The Glutton Bowl.

People are whooping and cheering on 4 "eaters" competing to see how many sticks of unsalted butter they can consume in a minute and a half.

The announcers are somehow able to deliver lines like this with a straight face:

"Watch as he gnaws away at that butter like a squirrel!"

"Do you see many women in the competitive eating circuit?"

"Yes indeed Mark, and they can match any other eater, cheek for jowl."

"With a record of over 50 hot dogs, many believe he is history's greatest eater."

A pneumatic barrel lift drops cooked beef tongue ceremoniously from the ceiling, and swollen, pasty gluttons make heroes of themselves to the bleating audience.

Fans cheer on their favorites: Lester "Cool Hand" Tucker, a world record pickled quail egg eater— 42 in 60 seconds. A Hawaiian onion-eater, a Surrey B.C. pizza champ, and the reigning 130-pound Japanese hot-dog eating king— "The Tsunami."

I suddenly have a whole new world of respect for the Star League Pros.

Anyway, on to the randomness of the day.

I confronted Paul and Joseph about the "Jejulist" remark from yesterday and they offered me this by way of explanation. They devised a list which categorizes intelligence.

It goes like this:

Crazy
SuperCrazy
Normal
SuperNormal
Smart
Smartest
Smartlist
Junior
Juniorlist
Senior
Seniorlist
Genius
Jejulist

So they are in the self-defined upper echelon of the scale— two of the world's few and foremost Jejulists. I suppose I should be proud.

I'm sure it's a sign of his obvious brilliance when he plucks his cheeks with his thumbs and index fingers to make two pink, puffy skin ovals and yells, "TEACHER! Don't you want my eggs!?"

***

While trying to explain the meaning of the word "magic" to my last class of the night, I gave up meeting blank stares and simply said, "Harry Potter?"

Of course, they lit up with instant understanding. One effeminate 13-year-old boy shouted out:

"Dumbledore kick the the bucketu! Game over man!" then made a telling finger-slitting-throat gesture (I'm looking at you Emms...) in case the dooming phrases weren't enough to get the message across.

I'm sure they didn't understand why I laughed as hard as I did, but then I'm certain that they never do.

1 comment:

Shane said...

Competative eating is yet another great bit of fox programing. The other day I enjoyed a show called 'Man vs. Beast' Turns out an elephant can pull a plane faster than 40 midgets in harnesses.

Also, I wonder if the jejulists have any connection to Jeju Island to the south. Headquarters perhaps?