A Canadian writer teaches English and finds out what it's like to be a foreigner.

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Cogito Ergo Dung

I think I may have a budding philosopher in my midst. Ever since Jake pointed out in the comments section that Joseph's catch phrase "what is the what?" is also a book by Dave Eggers, the moon-faced 6th-grader has been spouting out (unintentionally?) existential remarks.

"Teacher!" he called out in class today, "Why me born?"

The puzzling question was quickly derailed as Judy took it upon herself to provide a PG-13 demonstration of Joseph's conception, using blue and pink pencil cases to represent his parents. It was a violent affair with much rattling, and more like jousting than intercourse. I suppose that was for the best.

The topic skirted, I moved on with the lesson.

At the break Joseph sat kneading his forehead with his hand and looking like he was having another existential crisis.

"What's wrong Joseph?" I asked him.

He looked up at me, baffled.

"Teacher? Why me?"

"That's the oldest question in the world," I said. "All I can tell you is 'just because'."

He seemed satisfied enough and tore off to raise hell.

Still later, struggling to make his voice heard and stretch his arm higher than the others eager for my attention, he said:

"Teacher! I must question!" his finger raised with Cartesian passion.

An inquisitive soul indeed.


Shane Patenaude said...

"Why me born?"

Sounds like a forlorn cookie monster... or is it just me?

"If there no more cookie, me no want to be."

Sam said...

The whole Sesame Street gang were a bunch of sociopaths when you think of it.

Telly Monster? So riddled with panic attacks he could barely manage a sentence.

Oscar? Manic depressive to the point of complete and absolute rejection of the outside world, its values and its sense of hygiene.

The Count? A deranged narcissist at the very best. He could only comprehend reality with the empirical, calculating mind of one who only gets off on saying his own name.

Grover suffered from similar delusions of grandeur ("Super Grover") but developed them as a coping mechanism to deal with the fact he wanted to off Luis, assume his identity and move in with Maria.

Big Bird was so delusional and so insecure about his obvious homosexuality, that he imagined a hairy transexual Freudian mammoth into existence. 'Nuff said.

Bert is evil. A quick Google search will make that clear. He's so full of loathing that he represses all forms of stimulus beyond the realm of lentil soup and paper clips, and instead devotes himself to plotting and most likely conducting some sado-masochistic relationship with Ernie, who probably couldn't feed himself with out proper instruction. He is oblivious to the point of being a menace to all those around him.

I won't get into Cookie Monster because he only eats because he hates himself and that's nothing to joke about...

Pam said...

Who knew that all those long hours of drinking apple juice with crackers and cheese watching Sesame ST. , would have created such an insightful view of disfunctional behavoirs !!
Killing off Grover ended it for me!