A Canadian writer teaches English and finds out what it's like to be a foreigner.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Whine Tasting

"Ohhhhhh! Teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeacheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer!"

Some Korean children have the power to whine with such conviction, it's almost a biological weapon.

But it's not always concentrated like blunt force trauma— they can drag a scorned whine out like a staggered length of barbed-wire.

"Aww-Awwwwww-Awwwwwwwww!"

It's like for every whine there are also three bonus whines packed into the same breath, just for good measure. It's challenging to try and describe in words, but those who know, know. Whining is just part of the inflection of the Korean language, and for most, it saturates their English like grease in a bucket of "Donky Chicken."

Sometimes you just want to whine right back at them, and today I did.

There are other ways to get my attention besides garroting a cat with your vocal chords every time you open your mouth. Try raising your hand kid.

"Teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeacheeeeeeeeeeeeeeer! Tee-ee-ee-ee-ee-ee-acher!"

Okay, you can only go for so long without invoking my mock wrath.

I uncorked the metaphorical bottle, and let out the longest, most exaggerated whine that had been carefully aging in me for the last 4 months.

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat!?"

I whined so hard I lost my balance.

It was great.

Vintage.

'83 moan-trachet.

I was the sommelier of sarcasm.

And the wine jokes end here.

This lead to a short whine battle of sorts, and although I was at a natural disadvantage, I still have big, strong lungs. I finally overcame the culprit, much to the delight of the rest of the class.

"Teacher is very funny!" they applauded. One even sounded an imaginary trumpet in honor.

The taste of victory was bold and full-bodied, with a subtle soup├žon of elderberries and the most vibrant, fluttering finish of eucalyptus.

Sorry, I'm done.

5 comments:

62173979 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Aaron said...

get some lettuce and you could have a spam salad mr. 62173979, yummmmmmay!

Shane Patenaude said...

Korean children can whine with a skill that makes it seem like a ancient craft.

Sometimes I'll watch one pour out a long painful moan and then (appear to) run out of breath. Then, suddenly, as if they unlocked a reserved air bubble of discontentment, a final harsh whine bursts out of them and their bodies jerk in a spasm of annoyance.

I also have been broken down and unleashed return whine, but it never got the reaction I'd hoped.

Irrelephant said...

I don't know that I've ever laughed so hard at a post involving whining, wine, Korean kids, or any possible variation of the three.

*wild applause*

Gillian said...

I love that they added a trumpet noise!!!