A Canadian writer teaches English and finds out what it's like to be a foreigner.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

There are Ngels in your Angles

Here is a sample of the most ribald Korean late-night TV has to offer. As far as I can gather, this show is called "TV Ngels" and takes place on a sexy beach nowhere near Korea. The contestants are sexy girls locked in mortal, yet sexy combat, in a reality-TV situation where they compete for some guy's attention by acting... sexy.

The show seems to represent everything that I think is decisively unsexy about Korean popular culture, while attempting to be the exact opposite.

Since virtually no English literature exists about the show online, I can only go by what I observe. The deal, as it seems, is that this guy is equipped with some sort of device with which to measure the sexiness of the soft-core stripteases the girls act out. The rating system seems similar to the US Terror Alert Level, running the gamut from a yellow bashful beagle, to an orange pig who can barely believe his own sexy fortune, finishing with a red monkey who is so overcome by sexiness that his eyes have rolled completely back into his head, in a sexy coup de grace.

Shane tells me that the device is actually rigged up so each stage springs corresponding to the guy's heart-rate. I think that's pretty intense because it eliminates the possibility of pity points, which would seriously undermine the quality of the sexy, currently being flung about like a big, wet fish.

The thing that I find completely drains the sexy from this pointless exercise, is the constant whooping of the two hosts.

"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Ahhhhhhhh! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Who could possibly think sexy thoughts with those two hemorrhaging lawnmowers going off?

And what's with the riff from "Paranoid android" that plays like 3/4's of the way through? Nothing says sexy like sadly staring at your shoes.

Somewhere down in the crust of the Earth under the Korean peninsula, Confucius is summoning up an earthquake to put a stop to all this misdirected sexy energy.



Peg said...

Soooooooo sad.... And shouldn't those flip up pointers be in the shape of male members?

Sam said...

Every show has its short-comings...